Creative Masturbation Contraptions:
Shoot the Tube
May motivate you to change the roll when it's your turn:
While your cock is still soft, slip an empty toilet paper roll over it and pull the tip out the top. Keep stretching your cock as it gets hard to maximize the amount of it sticking out of the tube (you may need to cut the tube with scissors beforehand depending on your length). The base of the tube should be as close to your nuts as possible. As more blood becomes trapped in the tip, your dome will really get huge and purple and colored. Now oil up your finger and thumb and grip around right under the straining head (again, you need enough space between the end of the roll and where your head starts, so make sure the tube is the correct length for your cock). Rotate your finger and thumb in repeating circular motions. Your knob will look unbelievably engorged. When you get some clear precum oozing from the tip, put it on the tip of your free index finger and lightly dab your loaded nuts and think about some hot chick licking your balls. When you are about to cum, pull down on the paper tube towards your balls. The roll will prevent your cum from shooting out for the first couple of contractions, but then it will blast out with a huge velocity.
Helps you hit those high notes in the shower:
This is best if you're uncut, but will probably work if you're not. Take a washcloth, fold it into a triangular shape and wrap it around the shower head such that a solid stream of water comes out. Pull your foreskin back and stand so the water stream hits your dick right behind the head. It helps if you have a partial hard on to start. Your dick will gradually come to full attention, without being touched by human hands, just from the water stream. Within a short time, depending on how horny you were to start with, you'll have a great orgasm, never having touched your dick. Can be used to arouse a showering companion, too.
Put glitter on the outside too to make it look pretty:
Take a roll of toilet paper or paper towels (depending on what's more comfortable for you), put glue on the inside, then stuff it with cotton balls. You'll have yourself a nice sex toy, all you have to do is put your cock in and go for it.
Even better if you can find a nurse to help with the prep work:
Stroke until you get hard then "lightly" (or as tight as you want) wrap an ace bandage around your cock. Round and round you go, until you wrap it all the way around. You now have a perfectly shaped "tube pussy". Once that is complete, gently remove your dick from the bandage, take a condom (or latex glove), anything rubber and smooth.
Stick your dick into the hole where your cock was. Pull the edges out around the bandage and get a rubber band.. Put it around the edge to keep the latex item in place. After that, lube up your dick and have a blast! It's tight, just like a real cunt. For best results, put a pillow under and over the bandage; sandwich it while you fuck it. Also, it's a no-mess situation.. Fuck the shit out of it, cum in it. then just throw the condom or latex item away.. The bandage will keep it's form for future use.
Baby Bottle Liner
You first might want to throw away the box with the picture of the baby on it:
They make 'drop-in' baby bottle liners.. get the 8 ounce size.. comes 20 or so to a box. Lube up your cock, slip the liner on you.. then wrap a small towel around it, pop one or two large rubber bands around the whole thing and you're there! My height is perfect for putting this lustbundle on the kitchen counter and fucking away..you can 'lean' on it with your hands to make it tighter.. whatever your pleasure is. after you cum you just throw the liner away.. easy clean up eh?
Such a popular tip, I decided to put it up again:
Take a Ziploc bag, a sandwich-sized one will do, and fill it with oil or KY or any other lube. Mush the bag up so that the lube layers the plastic. Then place the bag between the mattress and the box spring on your bed and pump away. This also works underneath couch cushions.
For this one, make double sure no one's around:
Take a trash bag (white, NOT black!), cut two holes in it; one on each corner of the bottom, giving a hole about an inch in diameter. Get into the bag, sliding your legs through the holes, all the way up as far as it'll go. It should look like tight plastic shorts if you do it right.
When you're finished, take a good teaspoonful of Vaseline (or whatever you like to use), drop it down inside the front of the bag, tie it off or something (I use duct tape), and slide your penis around in it! Feels great after the Vaseline melts. Bets way to reach an orgasm is to use your palm to slide it side to side.
Little Red Balloon
Make sure the balloon is heavy-duty rubber. That pop would be unpleasant...
Fill a balloon with air, not totally full, and tie the knot. With one finger push the knot through the balloon to the other side and with the other hand hold the knot and tie it with a thread and/or rubber band to make an apple shape. Lube the balloon hole place it against any wall or between two chairs and hump your way to ecstasy.
Toilet Paper Pleasure
Talk about squeezing the Charmin:
Take one toilet paper tube, one condom, and some lube. Put the condom inside the roll and stretch the opening of the condom across the opening of the tube. Fold the end of the condom over the end of the tube and hold with one hand. Lube well and fuck like hell. BONUS: Pull on the tip of the condom while you jack and it feels like a blowjob.
Now this would be a sight to see:
Get two very large trash bags and tape them together to make one large bag. It takes a little practice to get the ends taped just right, but once you do it is easy. Then I inflate the bags with air (vacuum cleaner) and when it gets almost full but not quite, I remove the air supply and tape over the hole. Then I lube up my cock and get on top of the bags and begin humping the bags. When I get close to cumming I love to puncture a small hole or maybe a few holes in the bag and "ride" it down. I like to cum just before I begin to hit bottom.
Foaming at the Mouth
Damn, in this guy's house there must be nowhere to sit:
Get a thick & dense section of foam rubber, like what you'd find in a sofa cushion seat. Cut a slit into it with a knife; don't make the slit longer than the diameter of your dick. Now lube yourself up, push your dick through the hole, and go nuts! Not to mention that it's machine washable and most foam keeps it's shape (not to mention tightness) for a long time.
The Big Gulp
Guess I better spend more time in the garden:
You start a 64 oz plastic soda cup from your favorite convenient store, one with a handle. Then get one of those rectangular knee pads with a smooth finish on it. Wal-Mart has them in their gardening shop. Roll the pad up and stuff it in the cup, put a little water in it and some lube. I think you know the rest. You can tie the cup to something or use the handle to hold it.
What a great way to recycle a shampoo bottle:
Cut both ends off a shampoo bottle that is slightly larger than your cock. Using two socks, (one inside the other), push the toe end through the bottle. Cut the toes off the socks. Wrap the open ends of the socks around the outside of the bottle and tape them. (Duct Tape works best). Now do the same thing with a long latex glove. Keep the fingers of the gloves intact except for one that you can use for releasing pressure and providing suction. Use your favorite lube and go at it. If the bottle is too big, use more socks to take up room and provide extra padding.
Make your own pussy
I bet this guy got an A in shop class:
This contraption takes time to make, but feels like a real
pussy, I've tried them all. You'll need:
Hints: All except the condoms can be reused. (Unless you can untie them without breaking and you don't use Vaseline). If there was a way to get that slimy stuff they put in cooler freeze packages in the condom, the feel would be even better. Pop in microwave if too cold. It's awkward putting it together the first time, but it gets faster. A piece of foam in the condom doesn't feel better. For a tighter fit, slit the tube on one side, sand the edges and squeeze to the size you want.
If the glove doesn't fit...
A great thing to do with mismatched socks:
Take a sock. Roll it up like a donut, and put a latex surgical glove in it. Wrap the end of the glove over the top of the sock to hold it in place. Lube up the inside, put it between two pillows or between your mattress and your box spring, and pump away.
I don't fully understand the plastic bag part, but the rest sounds perfectly reasonable:
Use a big plastic cup, like from baseball games. Put either 3 soft foam balls or 3 balled-up pairs of socks in the mouth of the cup. Put some hand lotion in 2 plastic bags, then put one over the other over your penis; then push your penis in the middle of the 3 balls. You can thrust in the cup if you can hold it down on something, or move it with your hand, but the most amazing is to twirl it back and forth on the hand of your penis until you come. It's like a very wet blow job.
Take a plastic or zip-loc bag. Use about a tablespoon of cooking oil and pour in bag. Smear the oil all over the inside by wrinkling the bag up. Warm your jerking hand and grab your cock with the bag and jerk away! This is a great feeling technique! After you cum, it's all in the bag!
Hot Water Bottle
Take 2 rubber hot water bottles and tape them together to form a pouch in the middle. Fill the rubber bottles with warm water until you get the pressure you desire in the middle of the 2 bottles. Apply plenty of lube between the rubber and slide it in. Now you can either move the bottles back and forth or lay on top of it and hump away.
Wet 2 sponges with hot water. Ring them out and put them in a juice glass. Lube up and pump away! The warm sensations are great and the sponges conform to your size.
Give me a hand
Buy or find some rubber gloves, like those surgical ones but thicker, almost like dishwashing gloves but make sure they don't have the texture, just all rubber. Lay a towel out and fold it in half, then place the glove on one end with the open part hanging out a bit. Roll the towel up with the glove (like a sleeping bag roll). Now stretch the glove out over the end of the towel. Put your penis into the glove's opening and you're set. It's harder to stretch the glove around bigger towels so try a medium size one. Hand lotion type creams last longer then lubes for this.
Take some bubble wrap and roll it into a cylinder, bubbles to the inside, with the inside diameter about the same as that of your dick. Take a towel, fold it over once, and roll the bubble wrap in it. Squirt baby oil in the thing and pump away.
Scarecrow and Mr. Wanker
Take some clothes and fill them up with other clothes almost making a scarecrow. Then lay it on your bed put your hand where her crotch is and hump away. Lube is optional.
Take a toilet paper roll , take a sewing needle and make a little hole in the top of the roll through to the other end. Take a little stick and put it through the two little holes that made. The contraption Should be like this: ----()---- Put your cock in it grab the two ends of the stick and move them toward your body and then away. You can lube your cock for smoother pumping.
Go get a pair of "water-wings" that little kids wear around their arms in the pool to help them float and swim. Blow one of them up as much as you can. (The more air, the tighter the feel.) Take some Vaseline and coat the inside and your cock. Place the "device" between the couch cushions and insert your cock and pump away.
Remove the head off your electric shaver to expose the small rod-like metal peg that does all the vibrating stuff. Grab a tall plastic beaker and put a small hole in the base of it that is the same size as the rod on the electric shaver. Lubricate the inside of the beaker and slip you cock into it... Then insert the small rod of the shaver into the hole in the beaker and plug the shaver into the mains supply and turn it on. The beaker will start to violently shake from side to side around the entire length of your penis. Some amazing climax's can be experienced using this truly awesome technique.
Get a sponge bigger than your penis. Cut a slit right through the middle and stick a condom through it with some lubrication. Put something bigger than your Penis around the entrance of the sponge then put the open end of the Condom around it to make it wide enough to slip in your penis. Then use a clothes peg to hold the opposite end of the condom onto the sponge. Then insert your penis and have sex and imagine it is a hot wet pussy.
Fill a small plastic bag with your favorite lube and place it between two pillows so that the opening of the bag is near the edge. Tie the pillows together with a belt so that you have made a sandwich with two pillows and a lubed plastic bag in the middle. Slide your erect cock in and thrust away.
Okay, guys, this is the ultimate way to fantasize about your dream girl. Take a regular sized pillow and a smaller pillow (two small pillows is ideal), only make sure the small pillow(s) are made of satin or some smooth material. Put them both in pillow cases of the same set, line them up so the smaller pillow is down by your crotch, and voila, you have a girl in a night slip! The possibilities are endless...rub on the small pillow while making out with the larger one, reach down to feel your "girl's" satin "panties", and if you want to go all the way, just lift up "her" slip and rub directly on the satin. The orgasm will be explosive! (I'd recommend a condom or a box of Kleenex nearby.)
Get some K-Y jelly , foam pipe insulation and some duct tape. Lube up the inside of the foam pipe insulation and then duct tape it to a table/counter at dick level. Stick your meat into the pipe insulation and bang away...also makes a good cock warmer on those cold nights. P.S. Use a condom you savages.
Clean as a whistle
When I need the feel of a good blow job I take a bar of soap (the bigger bars work better) and drill a hole in the middle of it so my cock will fit through it. Get it wet and go to it. The edges of the bar of soap feel like a woman's lips squeezing gently down on my cock. When the hole gets a little to big to stimulate my cock I use it to bathe. Tried two bars but one really feels more like a blow job.
Take three latex surgical examination gloves and blow them up with a liberal amount of air and tie them off. Take the gloves and place them all so that they are all facing each other palm inward and fingers upward. Tie all the fingers together except for a few toward the middle so that you leave a hole for your penis. Then at the other end of the gloves where they are closed off, tie them all together with dental floss. Take hand lotion or aloe jelly and lube the inside. The sensation is the closest I have have come to a real vagina because the air provides the right amount of cushion and the texture of the latex after being blown up is really great. After ejaculating wash off and store for later use.
Spackle me tender
Take a Playtex vinyl glove, fill it with spackle [which has a gooey consistency]. Insert a small piece of rubber eraser inside the middle finger. Then invert the middle finger and tie the opening of the glove, together with the tip of the middle finger. Use some KY Jelly or Vaseline for lube and you're set. Heat up slightly in microwave. Be careful not to burn yourself; spackle retains heat for a long time. The glove creates suction. You can also wrap center section of glove with ace bandage to increase sensation.
Plastic bag lovin'
I like to take a plastic bag, rolled into a towel, make sure the opening of the bag is exposed from the center of the roll. Fill the bag with KY, and place the roll under the pillows on a sofa. Kneel down in front of the roll and slide your dick inside the bag, start pumping away.
First, get one of those vibrators that straps onto the back of your hand. Then, at any hardware store, get a piece of PVC pipe of the proper diameter and length for your penis, plus an inch or so. Run hot water over it until it is nice and warm, and then coat the inside of it with Vaseline or a water-based lubricant (neater and easier to clean up, but the Vaseline feels better). Put the pipe under the straps, and put the whole contraption between two pillows, insert your cock and turn the vibrator on. You can either hold still and let the vibrator bring you off, or you can pump your cock in and out at the same time. Quite a nice sensation!
Seat of desire
Take a piece of solid foam rubber pipe insulation (available at any hardware store) and lube the inside with your favorite lube. Place it between the slats in a chair back and insert your cock and begin pumping. If you like anal stimulation too you can lube the handle of a rake or shovel and lean back on it will humping your "chair pussy."
Lay out a few old pillows with a blanket over them on your bed. Put Vaseline or something on your palm and lay on the pillows. Just fuck your hand. The pillows act like a cushion and kinda feel like someone under you, and your hand is like well, fuckin'.
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